New beginning

It has been almost a year and a half since I have posted a blog and boy have things changed since then. I don't even know where to start except that I am pretty content with my life.

On the bright side, I am back on track with Kelsie and Patrick after 8 months of non-friendship, I've been living in Sugarhouse/downtown area, I still work at Backcountry.com, I have great friends, and have met some incredible people.

On some sour notes; Vanessa and Jake are getting divorced after a year of marriage. There were just to many things that they couldn't compromise on and they decided that it would be best to end things now. It's been hard but Nessa has been tough. About 10 months ago I had a run in with the law. I am paying for it now and it's messed up a lot of plans for my life. Vanessa and Breeanna want to move to Seattle and I am dying to tag along but I am not sure I can even move out of the state. Hopefully by the end of May I will be able to and start a whole new chapter in my life somewhere new.

I have also given up on esthetics. I decided it wasn't something I was really interested in anyway. I just did it to please my parents. After I am done paying fines I plan to go back to school. Not sure what for, I will worry about that later.

There are too many things that have happened that I can't even recall what they are so this will have to do for now. Hopefully I won't wait another lifetime before posting again.

08.26.09


My little sister got married on August 13th. I really can't believe it. I am so happy for her and I love her husband, Jake. Such a great match. However, it's also making me realize how lonely I am. When Matt and I were together none of my girl friends were in relationships and now a majority of them are. Sometimes it makes me even miss Matt. That's how I know I am lonely. I've tried my time with some new guys but nothing seems to be working. Maybe the problem is that I am looking at all.

I finally got my license in the mail. Now it is time to look for a job which I am not really looking forward too at all. I've been so stressed lately with money I can't imagine trying to find a job that doesn't guarantee me hours.

07.08.09

Things have been going pretty well lately in my life. I have been expanding my friends and meeting some amazing people. This past weekend was one of the best I have had all year long. The only thing to complain about is my closest friends being in relationships and me not. When I had a boyfriend they were all single and now I am once again the odd man out. I have met a few guys but sometimes I think I just tell myself I like them more as a friend just so it can be done. That is definitely not how I want to go about it. Time will get me there, I just need to learn more patience.

On a bad note, it turns out I have to take my practical exam for school through the state even though I took it through the school. That's another 87 dollars and then I will have to RENEW my barely received license in September. It's so fucking stupid and makes me not want to do it anymore.

On another good note, my little sister, Vanessa, is getting married August 13th. I saw her in her wedding gown for the first time a few weekends ago and she looked absolutely gorgeous. I am so happy for her!

I have been wanting to move out of my parents house too. I was talking to my cousin Lindsay and her bf Andy, whom I lived with back in 2006, but it just doesn't seem to be working. I did talk to Megan. Our friend Miranda is moving out of their house and she offered me the room. I think if I play my cards right and watch after my money spending better I could totally do it.

Hopefully, I can get my license, get another job and finally start my career. Growing up is so much work but I am kinda looking forward to it.

Short lived.

06.15.09

This weekend was the most drama filled I think I have ever had in my whole life. Friday night I received texts of absurd accusations. If I believed all the stories I have heard through the grape vines the past few years I wouldn't have a majority of the people I know in my life. It continued on until Sunday. Things are getting facebooked, myspaced, and twittered. It is absolutely ridiculous.

On Saturday a close friends brother passed. He died over an overdose. My heart aches for her. It is so upsetting and I just want to hug her to try to make everything feel okay. I slightly know what this pain feels like. My cousin was found dead in 2003 and then in 2005 another friend was found dead as well. All from heroin. Still, I don't know what to say to her. My heart goes out to her and her family. It does make me realize that this petty drama I have currently in countered is beyond stupid. I have so much more to deal with then this drama. Life is much to short to be defending myself or being caught up in the saga.

On a good note, this crap of a weather we've had the past 2 weeks is supposedly over soon. This has been the worst summer weather ever! I am ready for the sunshine and warmth!

Friendships

06.04.09

I know I have done some things to make my friendships a bit sticky but I am at the point where I think the best friends I had a month ago won't ever go back to the way they used to be. I am constantly walking on eggshells and I find myself just sitting on the sidelines, listening to the new inside jokes or stories of previous nights that I knew nothing about. It's a pretty shitty feeling when you find out all of your friends have been hanging out and you hadn't been invited by even one of them. I am at to the point where I don't know what to do. I start to think they seem a lot happier with me not around. I don't know what to do anymore.


I don't think I can afford to move out of state for awhile. Until I get a much better paying job that I can pay rent and a car payment. I think instead I will just travel more. I have Brandon in California, Jes in Idaho, Britta and Eden in New York, and for a really big trip I can go see Alexz in England! How fantastic would that be?

I really want to start pilates next week with my sister. All my friends that say they want to do it keep bailing out. I need to get in shape, especially for Vanessa's wedding. Time to be healthy.

Matthew Followill

Please, marry me?

Bunny.

06.03.09

My soul mate left SLC for LA to pursue his band www.myspace.com/kidtheodore
I know he has to do it, but damn I hate that California is the place to go. I tried not to cry but the tears came. He said some really sweet things to me which made me love him even more and made it even harder to say good bye. I've been told to come with but, I just can't afford California. I have a car payment here, and the economy is so bad in Cali. and, I just don't know how to save money. I need to work on that.

Things are still stressful in the "best friends" categories. I am constantly walking on eggshells and I just feel unwelcome a majority of the time. I find myself not involved in conversations, jokes, or even really part of the hang out. Sometimes I think I should just stop trying to hang out, stop calling/texting, and wait till they are ready to be my friend again.