Short lived.

06.15.09

This weekend was the most drama filled I think I have ever had in my whole life. Friday night I received texts of absurd accusations. If I believed all the stories I have heard through the grape vines the past few years I wouldn't have a majority of the people I know in my life. It continued on until Sunday. Things are getting facebooked, myspaced, and twittered. It is absolutely ridiculous.

On Saturday a close friends brother passed. He died over an overdose. My heart aches for her. It is so upsetting and I just want to hug her to try to make everything feel okay. I slightly know what this pain feels like. My cousin was found dead in 2003 and then in 2005 another friend was found dead as well. All from heroin. Still, I don't know what to say to her. My heart goes out to her and her family. It does make me realize that this petty drama I have currently in countered is beyond stupid. I have so much more to deal with then this drama. Life is much to short to be defending myself or being caught up in the saga.

On a good note, this crap of a weather we've had the past 2 weeks is supposedly over soon. This has been the worst summer weather ever! I am ready for the sunshine and warmth!

Friendships

06.04.09

I know I have done some things to make my friendships a bit sticky but I am at the point where I think the best friends I had a month ago won't ever go back to the way they used to be. I am constantly walking on eggshells and I find myself just sitting on the sidelines, listening to the new inside jokes or stories of previous nights that I knew nothing about. It's a pretty shitty feeling when you find out all of your friends have been hanging out and you hadn't been invited by even one of them. I am at to the point where I don't know what to do. I start to think they seem a lot happier with me not around. I don't know what to do anymore.


I don't think I can afford to move out of state for awhile. Until I get a much better paying job that I can pay rent and a car payment. I think instead I will just travel more. I have Brandon in California, Jes in Idaho, Britta and Eden in New York, and for a really big trip I can go see Alexz in England! How fantastic would that be?

I really want to start pilates next week with my sister. All my friends that say they want to do it keep bailing out. I need to get in shape, especially for Vanessa's wedding. Time to be healthy.

Matthew Followill

Please, marry me?

Bunny.

06.03.09

My soul mate left SLC for LA to pursue his band www.myspace.com/kidtheodore
I know he has to do it, but damn I hate that California is the place to go. I tried not to cry but the tears came. He said some really sweet things to me which made me love him even more and made it even harder to say good bye. I've been told to come with but, I just can't afford California. I have a car payment here, and the economy is so bad in Cali. and, I just don't know how to save money. I need to work on that.

Things are still stressful in the "best friends" categories. I am constantly walking on eggshells and I just feel unwelcome a majority of the time. I find myself not involved in conversations, jokes, or even really part of the hang out. Sometimes I think I should just stop trying to hang out, stop calling/texting, and wait till they are ready to be my friend again.